Revealed
by Gosen the Saiya-Jin
Summary: Starbug is hit by some strange energy field that seems to have caused no damage to anyone except Rimmer, causing his lies and truths to be switched around. Will they ever find out how to reverse the process before Lister works out the hologram's biggest secret? My first Red Dwarf fic. R/L
1. Chapter 1

Deep in space was a ship called Starbug, currently home to four life forms lucky enough not to be completely insane by this point in time. The head runner was Dave Lister, although a certain hologram would disagree with that statement. Currently said hologram was in cargo deck counting every single item many more times over than was necessary and putting them into alphabetical order. He was hard at work. …Or at least putting someone _else _hard at work while he _supervised. _He was staring up at his mechanoid ship mate as he proceeded to place another crate on top of the pyramid of crates that was already far too high in the first place.

"Are you sure this is wise, Mr. Rimmer, sir? Placing all these hundred of boxes like this? What would happen if we were to crash or hit some sort of bumpy turbulence and they all fall over? Statistics, as far as we go, state that that is a very likely scenario. I wouldn't want to damage any—" Kryten blabbered on, Rimmer eager to cut him off, did.

"Oh, stuff an engine block down your gob, you worrisome gimboid. It's only curry. God forbid we lost any of Lister's special sauce. It's probably going to wind up on the floor anyhow, that insufferable slob. But until then, I demand we at least _pretend _there is some order to this banged up piece of rubbish we call a ship." He outstretched an arm, rotating his pointer finger towards the top, "Now, on with it. We're still on C. We've still a whole alphabet to get through…" He folded his hands behind his back and wore a smug grin, pacing back and forth in a official manner. Rimmer sometimes got a real pleasure out of being an absolute twat to his crew.

Kryten frowned with a barely audible sigh as he gave in to the hologram's wishes. He announced once he finished and Rimmer looked gave a nod, "Now that is some spectacular organization…" Kryten was about to open his mouth, very pleased with the compliment, until he heard the arrogant man's finish, "I am such a hard worker." He patted himself on the back, "Well done, Rimmer, old boy.."

Kryten tried insulted him but the words didn't seem to leave his mechanical he just shook his head, cursing his programming and carefully began to climb down the pyramid of curry.

He stopped for a minute, "Oh, but sir. How is Mr. Lister going to be able to get it with it stacked so high…?"

"How, indeed.." The hologram smirked, gazing up at the ceiling.

Kryten continued his descent. Just as his metal feet were about to leave the final crate, the ship shifted without a moment's notice and he fell instantly to the floor along with Rimmer. Much to his dismay, sheer irony had many of the crates tumbling over, one directly above his location. It opened mid-fall and curry sauce spilt all over him. His brow furrowed as a glare formed. Rimmer cursed his hard light drive but cursed Lister even more for being such a reckless pilot.

When the second technician was finally able to stand without weaving back and forth, he wiped the curry off; what he could see anyway. Then, with parts of his face still dripping with it, he stomped off in the direction of the cockpit. Kryten followed closely behind, looking more concerned than anything else.

It was then that Rimmer began to rant, occasionally glancing back at the android, "No alerts. No warning. Am I the only one on this damned vessel that bothers following protocol?"

Kryten stopped to think a moment before asking, "Did you want me to answer that honestly?"

An irritated expression darkened the hologram's face and he exhaled visibly but chose not to answer. A certain annoying, barely-human life form would be the house for his rage. He was loud and made his presence known.

"Lister. We had better be dying or you're about to be."

"Calm down, man…" Lister said, not taking his eyes away from the front with his hands firmly on the controls, "Just a little turbulence…No need to get your holographic undies in a bunch.."

"No need, eh, Listy?" Rimmer frowned bitterly , bending down so that his face was just above the dark skinned man's shoulder, "If there's anything there's no need for it's your insane obsession with a food that surely doing nothing for your already over-plump figure."

"Smeg off, eh?" Lister ignored him. Rimmer was just going through the motions as he always did. He knew he just had to listen and then off he'd go.

"One thousand two hundred and ninety eight boxes on board!" He announced with raised brows, "That's enough to fill a small swimming pool." He paused, "Maybe I take that one back…Don't wanna give you any ideas…"

"Come on. There ain't that many." Replied Lister skeptically, making one quick turn before switching on auto pilot and turning around to face him. When he did, a smirk formed on his lips and he began to laugh. Rimmer hardly found it amusing.

"Hey, look at that, Rimmer?" He lifted an open-fingered gloved hand to the hologram's cheek and wiped some of the curry off and then sucking it off his fingers, "You finally have some taste…"

"Haha, laugh while you will, Lister. But no one's going to be laughing when I charge you with breaking Space Corps Directive S-A-R-W-Y-I-N-186 Section B 3.6" Almost as if he could feel Kryten's mouth open, he instantly pointed at the robot warningly without looking, "Unless you want that vacuum attachment of yours shoved up your tin arse, I'd refrain from speaking…"

Lister raised his hands, gesturing to himself, "Just leave me alone about me curry. It's delicious. And nutritious."

"Please." The hologram rolled his eyes and folded his arms, "That over spicy, vomit inducing goop is about as nutritious as grinding up your large collection toenail clipping stuffing them in a blender with your old, moldy socks and a large tot of your own urine"

Lister wasn't paying much attention to him. He merely stroked more sauce off him.

"And will you stop touching my face? I've no idea where those grimy fingers have been" The haughty hologram requested.

"Prefer I use me tongue then? No point letting good curry go to waste." He licked his lips, "Mmm…You're delicious, man."

Rimmer could feel his cheeks warm up at that. Well…as much as they could, him being a hologram. The feeling was there all the same. Obviously, he chocked it up to disgust and waved off any other possibility of why that comment made his virtual heart race. He stepped back and wiped off the rest of his face. Basically indestructible and he couldn't get a stupid sauce off.

"Alright, enough. I'm not you're entrée. Certainly not you're main course!" He said, able to compose himself and look casual again. He heard the Cat make a comment but ignored it. At least until he said something intriguing.

"Hey! That squiggly, wobbly wave thing is coming back! I can smell it!"

Everyone immediately returned to their chairs. Rimmer piped up with curiosity, "What's he on about?"

"The thing that made you curried" Lister replied, tapping a few buttons, "We encountered some sort of energy field. Thought it was maybe a storm or somethin' so I tried swerving to avoid it."

"Don't think it was enough. It's coming back! Almost like it's following us or something!" Cat replied.

"Power up the thrusters. We'll just outrun it" Lister said, pulling hard on the controls.

"What the smeg is it? Do you even know if it's dangerous?" Rimmer asked, wanting to know more.

"Come on, Rimmer. You know our luck. When is something we find ever _not_ dangerous?" Lister reasoned and the hologram had to relent in agreement.

Right as he had finished his statement, a large light beam filled the craft and no one even had time to react. The ship jolted from side to side for a few minutes before it became stable again.

"Is everyone alright?!" Lister shouted, turning and looking around at his disoriented crew.

"I think so! But man, I don't know if I'm ever gonna get the wrinkles outta this suit. How's my hair look? Be honest. I can take it!" The Cat replied, looking devastated. Lister didn't say a word to him. He was obviously just fine.

"Kryten?"

"Perfectly okay, sir. We were hit by an energy beam of some sort." He looked down at the monitor by his station to get some answers, "Results indicate that there has been no damage to Starbug. The only real loss to be mentioned is the state of Cat's hair…"

"I knew it!" The Cat exclaimed in a whine and ran off to go find a mirror and some beauty products to fix his do.

Lister watched him leave, shaking his head a bit and then looked over to Rimmer, "What about you, Rimmer?"

"I am absolutely not fine." Rimmer said but once the words left his lips he seemed concerned, as though it weren't what he meant to say at all, "I'm perfectly awful." It happened again, "I am the complete opposite of okay!"

Lister scrunched up his face and exchanged confused glances with Kryten before looking back again, "What seems to be the problem?"

"Everything!" He paused, "That's exactly what I meant to say!" He stood up and refrained the urge to slap himself, "What the hell is going on?!"

Lister glanced back at Kryten and stood up this time, walking towards the hologram with a point, "What's up with him?"

Unsure but eager to please, Kryten got out of his chair and walked over to Rimmer with some sort of scanner. He moved it up and down, while Rimmer wore a 'put out' look on his face, waiting for some answers.

"Well, it appears I may have been wrong. There seem to be some sort of flaw in his data"

"What sort of flaw…?" Rimmer asked, becoming more annoyed by the second.

"Somehow it seems that you've been corrupted.." Kryten tried to explain.

Lister placed a hand on his side and gave a look, "Get with the times, Krytes. He's always been more than just a little corrupted. Haven't you seen 'im in those war games?"

Rimmer scoffed at him but Kryten continued with his analysis, "No, Mr. Lister. His intentions seem to have been swapped.."

"Wha's that mean?" Lister wondered.

"It is to say that whatever Rimmer is intending to say or do, he does the opposite. Lies become truth. Truth becomes lies. Love is hate and vice versa"

Rimmer glared at the mechanoid, "Kryten. It is my firm belief that you are a lovely android and you sit sit yourself down with a pot of tea and relax for a change!" His face then became sour. That was supposed to be a witty, sarcastic insult designed to demean him. He tried again, "You're... a joy! You're so... pleasant to be around! You're….Oh, forget it!" He marched off towards the kitchen.

Lister smirked and then eyed Kryten, "This is gonna be fun"

**Just writing this for fun and it's my first Red Dwarf fic and was unsure if I should keep going! ;w; Please be gentle!**


	2. Chapter 2

The days that went on were an absolute torture for Rimmer. He spent the hours having himself mentally picked and pulled apart by the crew and he found it more than a little embarrassing. It made him hate himself even more. The only thing that seemed to perplex everyone was how unaffected he was most the time when it came to Lister. He wanted to insult him, he did it. Kryten came up with the theory that perhaps his hatred must truly run that deep. Rimmer was thrilled everyone bought that slop because he knew that wasn't the actual reason. The real reason was something he was afraid to admit. The reasons his insults weren't backwards on Lister was because they were lies. He did it all the time. His insults to that slobby, third technician were merely a façade to cover up the fact that…

_No, No. You are not going there, Rimmer._

He stood in front of a mirror in his sleeping quarters and rotated his shoulders once or twice. He looked on with determination and licked his lips. After the first day, he'd been doing his best just not to speak. If he didn't speak, none of this nonsense about his opposite intentions would come falling out. But being silent was just driving him mad. He was Rimmer! He needed to talk, complain, be a git. Besides, communication was getting ridiculous. So, he told himself, all he needed was some drive. He needed to get centered and focus. He could defy this stupid flaw.

"Okay." He began to his reflection, "Lister, you are a complete and utter twat." He smiled, good exercise, "Cat. You are the most…selfless creature I've ever seen!" He bit back a few curses at the finish and jumped up and down. He clawed his fingers down the mirror, "Come on, then!"

There had to be another reason. Obviously, those were both lies. But how could both an insult and a compliment be considered both lies? He wasn't lying! At least about his bunk mate. But if he wasn't, it would have come out like all the empty compliments he was spewing at everyone. Rimmer refused to believe it was because he actually felt a certain fondness to that idiotic moron. He banged his head against the mirror. Just as he was doing this, Lister walked in.

"Heya, Rimmer.." He greeted, magazine in hand as he made his way to his bed. "How's it goin'?"

He continued his assault for a few more seconds, "I'm living life, more censored than an adult film shown on primetime television. How do you think it's going?"

"Talking to me, then" Lister smirked, glad to finally hear his voice again after these days of silence. "Honestly, Rimmer…It's not so bad, you being nice and all." He laughed, turning a page and giving an amused glance, "Though it is rather funny seeing you do it with such an angry face."

Rimmer clammed his lips shut. Everything was the opposite. He didn't want to say something he'd regret.

"It's a dang shame it won't work on me, though. I mean, unless I get ya really mad, which is actually kind of fun. Seeing ya blow up with compliments. I think the best part is when you turn away things you actually want and ask for what you don't. Like…my favourite, '_Lister. Please spill curry all over me bed!' 'Please don't wash your socks!'" _Lister's shoulder and head danced around as he said the next one, "_Don't listen to me! I'm not your superior officer!" _

"I love you…" He grumbled.

"Yeah, I know ya do…" Lister replied, really loving this whole backwards intentions thing even if it was hard to understand at first, "This is the kind of thing that really makes it hard to take you seriously…I mean, if it were me, I'd be afraid someone might try to pull out all me deepest darkest secrets.."

"Don't fix me!" Rimmer demanded through gritted teeth.

"Fix ya?" He slapped his magazine down onto his knee, "I wouldn't dream of fixing me little Rimsy-Wimsy…"

"If you do, I'm not going to come up there and rip off your genitals and shove them up your right nostril until you can breathe.." Rimmer spat, even though it came out nothing like he wanted it to.

"Every reason not to, then!" Lister replied, but when Rimmer started to walk toward him, he sat up in defense, "Ey. Ey. Calm down, Smeg head. I wouldn't even know where to start. You're fried, man."

"Right, then.." Rimmer frowned loudly, maintaining a professional calm and collected look but in his eyes you could tell he was about to lose it. He walked back over to the mirror and began banging his head on it again.

"Arn—"

**BANG.**

"Ri—"

**BANG**

"Rimm—"

**BANG. BANG.**

"Rimmer-!" Lister hopped down, exasperated and went over to him and physically forced him to stop his self abuse.

"What?!"

"You can't drive yourself crazy, man!" He said with a small shove to the shoulder.

"This whole bloody thing is making me sane! See? There it isn't again! I don't need to be me again!" He groaned in frustration. This was really annoying.

"Okay! Okay!" Lister gave in. "I'll get Kryten, have him run some tests."

Rimmer put his hands on his sides with an approving expression, leaning up on his toes once or twice and nodded, "Bad."

Lister was just going to assume that meant 'good' and left the room to go find the mechanoid. If anyone could devise a plan to get the Smeghead back to normal, it would be him.

* * *

"You can't be serious!" The Cat chimed in, "Why would we want to get old goalpost head back to normal? I mean, he's actually acknowledging that the world does indeed revolve around me! He actually helped me iron all my suits. Even the one I was wearing! Which was not an easy task, let me tell ya."

"Look, Cat, it's not him and you know it. He ain't happy."

"Well, I am and that's all that really matters here! Who'll help me organize all my wear if he goes back to being that annoying, rule crazy smeghead?" He tried to argue.

"I thought Kryten helped you with that.." Lister replied.

"He does. But this way it gets done twice as fast! And I have more time to pick and choose and work on other aspects of my appearance. I mean, there are only so many hours in the day! First I need to decide on the perfect suit, then I gotta spend atleast three hours on my luscious do, and if I'm lucky, I'll have maybe a few hours of looking in the mirror before I have to sleep to find something to eat. You clearly don't understand my struggle." He saw the human roll his eyes, so he pointed at him, "And why do you care anyway?"

"Because he's driving me mad!" Lister explained, gesturing with both his arms. Cat looked disbelieving, "Oh, well, it's easy for you to say. You got it easy. His little _flaw _works on you two. I've gotta really piss him off."

"You actually _want_ to be complimented by Rimmer?" Cat asked.

He shrugged "It might be nice. I mean, I know it might not be real but it'd be a nice change." Lister replied and lazily leaned against the Medi-bay's bed.

Kryten, who was setting up the room for the hologram's arrival, stopped and thought for a second. "Hold on a second there, Sirs. Maybe he _is"_

"What you talking about, Kryten…? Last compliment he's given me is that I'm a rat faced mongrel with the brain the size of a pea…That sort of thing just doesn't give me the warm and fuzzy feeling inside…"

"Allow me to explain. Now, it's just a theory…But let's look at it this way. When he compliments me and the Cat, well, it's safe to say those are far from the truth. But in the same breath, mind the expression; he is able to put out wave after wave of insult to you, Mr. Lister…"

"I'm not sure I'm followin' ya, Kryte…" Lister said back and then gestured to himself with a finger, "It's almost as though you're trying to say Rimmer actually doesn't think I'm a lousy good for nothing scum bucket.."

"I think this dude's lost a few screws, wires and brain circuits if he's thinking that! Holo-head's only got one purpose; To hate and be hated!" Cat interjected.

"I think the flaw is directly in his subconscious. His subconscious knows how he actually feels about certain things, even if it is buried under all his denial and arrogant ways." He tried explaining but the two humanoids still seemed skeptical.

"Prove it!" Cat pointed with challenge in his voice.

"I suppose I could run a sort of test once he gets here for further analysis." Kryten offered, a little unsure, but wanting to please the two of them.

Rimmer would be showing up at any moment. So, Lister hopped off the bed and put his arms around both the Cat and Kryten, pulling them down to huddle together as they formed just what sort of thing to test on the unsuspecting troubled hologram.

**I hope you liked ;w; More to come soon!**


	3. Chapter 3

Not long had passed when Rimmer finally arrived. He felt a little sense of foreboding when everyone's chatter had ceased once he entered the room. All of this was bad enough already. He knew they were all talking about it, probably poking fun at his less than desirable position. He definitely didn't want any of them here for this, especially not Lister. That's the last thing he needed. He knew one of them was bound to work it out. He really hoped they didn't, though. His only comfort was telling himself over and over that they were morons.

"Don't go." He stated, pointing a finger out the door.

"Don't worry. I didn't even plan on it!" Cat replied with his oblivious and optimistic toothy grin.

"I don't mean it!" Rimmer tried, beginning to get more irritated with himself. He bit his fist so hard that if he were actually alive, he might have bled.

"I think he wants us to leave." He said to the Cat before turning his eyes back to the hologram, "That what you want, Rimmer...?"

Rimmer scrutinized him for a few moments before trying to nod. Sadly, it came out as him shaking his head no. So, he grabbed his face and forced it up with much difficulty and then down again. He repeated this process a few times.

Lister had a smirk and then commented, "This is getting painful to watch."

Cat was holding his ground and waving his finger around, "Uh-uh. No way. I ain't leaving. Not until I find out if whatever dorko over here's got is contagious or not. I mean, I don't wanna die! I'm way too sexy to die!"

"Rest assured, Mr. Cat. If anyone around here is to do any dying, it will be Mr. Rimmer" Kryten said, giving the stylish humanoid a nod that set him at ease.

"Man, you sure know how to cheer a guy up!" He returned with a happy smile, blissfully unaware of Rimmer's look of disgust in the background.

"I love you all.." The hologram said bitterly. Once the words left, he tried biting his tongue off but was interrupted by Lister grabbing his arm and pushing him towards the examination bed forcefully.

"Get on up there.." He folded his arms as he watched Kryten place a helmet with many blinking lights and buttons on Rimmer's head along with some other wires. He made some explanation of how the device worked and then directed all of them to a screen which showed a green background, along with a light green outline of Rimmer's body. There was some red matter floating along his image.

"What the hell is that?" Lister wondered, tapping the screen as if it would bring some clarification.

"That's the effect of the energy that hit him." Kryten answered.

"So, what's it doing, then? Is it some kind of virus?" He smirked and then looked at the Cat, "Imagine that, a virus that makes you tell the truth. I wouldn't mind having me a bottle o' that. Spikin' him every now and then…"

Rimmer attempted to sit up, having a look on his face as though he wanted to strangle the other men but Kryten made him sit back down.

"To answer your questions further, I suppose yes, it is an ailment of some sort. Indestructible he may be, but as a hard light hologram, he seems more susceptible to certain conditions.." Kryten replied.

Lister shook his head, "A dead man and he's still getting sick. Isn't that just stupid? I thought being dead was as ill as you could get."

"Well, it does make sense, Sir, if you don't mind me disagreeing. In this day and age, holograms are evolving into more like humans all the time. It's the same with androids. We started out as robots, doing humans bidding and then through enough time and certain influences" He nodded at Lister, "We've been able to break our programming and become, or at least hope to be, as human as the likes of you. Which, I must say, is a great honor. So, it is only natural to think that creatures that are _like _humans can suffer from ailments"

"I guess so. Just sounds terrible to me. I mean, what kind of privilege is it to be sick?"

"Can we not get back to _me_ now? I'd rather not skip your little speech about hologram and android rights…Don't fix me now. Pronto. On the double!" Rimmer interrupted. He just wanted to be back to normal as quickly as possible so he could forget this whole thing hadn't happened.

"Yes, yes, of course, Mr. Rimmer.." The Android nodded, returning to him. He analyzed the screens and the helmet, trying to collect as much information as possible. Upon doing so, he spoke again, "It would appear the energy or…virus, whichever you wish to call it, is unstable. Whatever that beam was that we went through seems damaging to holograms. I'm not sure there is even a cure"

"Can't we just reboot him or something? Wouldn't that fix the error?" Lister wondered.

"I don't think it's that simple. According to my data, the corruption is mutating"

"Into what?" He asked with curious eyes. Kryten didn't appear to have the answer to the question.

Rimmer didn't like where this was going. He hated how grim things were seeming. If he didn't get back to his usual self soon, he was bound to go even madder than he already was stuck in space with this lot. He was taken out of his thoughts when he saw Kryten eyeing him with purpose. He met his stare and rose an eyebrow.

"Before we can go any further, I believe I need to ask you some questions."

"Q-Questions?" Rimmer repeated.

"Yes. Some very personal, possibly invasive personal questions. The sort that would probably make any normal man uncomfortable to the highest degree." Kryten replied, causing Rimmer's face to fall.

He knew this was coming. He just knew it. He stared apprehensively at Kryten, then at the Cat and Lister. This was their plan all along: Embarrass the Smeg head. Have a good old laugh and material for teasing for months! Well, no Siree. He wouldn't be having that.

Rimmer subtly removed his helmet, along with all the wires and wore one of his typical smiles that went with the expression when he was about to cowardly run off from something undesirable. And _this _wouldn't definitely be filed under undesirable. He slid off from the side, "You know, I think I haven't…" He said, his pitch going a little higher than normal, "…changed my mind!" Then he began to run, not caring if he'd knocked anything over in the process. He just needed to get away before any questions were asked and he felt compelled to answer.

As soon as Lister saw him trying to get away, he cocked his head and shouted, "Grab him, Cat!" Then they both lunged for him before he could leave the room. Barely a moment later, all three of them were on the floor. Kryten tried to explain that everything would be alright but the stubborn hologram wasn't having any of it. He kept struggling and mentally cursing his hard light drive. Oh, sometimes he missed the days when he could just walk right through things. Mainly, times like this.

"I don't know what you're playing at! You haven't been talking to Lister, have you?! You just don't want my secrets!"

Lister tried calming the struggling Rimmer, "For Smeg's sake, we're just trying to help ya!"

"What he said!" the Cat agreed, "Besides! We've already read your diary! The darkest thing in there is that time when you accidentally wore one of the monkey's socks!"

"I believe you!" Rimmer replied, his tone remaining skeptical as he continued to push forward. His fingers wriggling towards the door in vain.

"Rimmer" Lister coaxed, but still got resistance from the apprehensive git. "Arnold, man, listen." Rimmer stopped struggling for a moment to meet the other man's eyes as he spoke, "Trust us, come on. We're your friends"

"Speak for yourself! This is news to me!" The Cat chimed in but Lister ignored him, focused on his bunk mate.

Rimmer wanted to be rude and spout his programmed responses of how he didn't believe it for one second. That there was some ulterior motive just like the last time he'd claimed that they were friends. But something in his eyes made him want to believe his words. Maybe he was just getting soft, he didn't know but he relented. "Okay, Listy…"

He got up and back in the chair. In the background, Cat was whinging as he tred to straighten out his clothes which he claimed got mussed by trying to hold down Rimmer. Lister however found something curious.

"Hey, Kryte…?" He began, "That there…If negative is positive and positive is negative, shouldn't that have been backwards…?"

"He makes a good point." Rimmer spoke up and was stunned. He jumped out of the chair and laughed, "I'm better! I'm not switched around anymore. Oh, how fabulous." He made a victorious fist and looked very pleased as he stared at the ceiling, "I get to go back to being that annoying bastard nobody likes!"

"Well, that was weird…" Lister said, exchanging glances with everyone "Was it just temporary, then? It just wore off?"

While everyone, save for Cat, were either celebrating or wondering what the smeg had just happened, Kryten was taking a second look at his calculations and at another device of his, the same he'd used when they first found out about Rimmer's condition.

"I hate to spoil your happiness, Sirs, but according to this. It's still here. The mutation. It's simply affected a different part of his personality." Kryten brought up, showing off his screen to Lister.

"What you mean?"

"Well, uh, now, instead of his intentions just being backwards, it appears to have just eliminated his ability to lie altogether. Among other functions…" He replied, before the two of them looked back at Rimmer. "Like for example, his will power…"

"That probably didn't take much effort, then…" Lister snickered a little, "He didn't have much will power to start with…What's it mean? He's just going to start doing things, saying things without thinking about it?" He folded his arms, "I'm gonna need me some popcorn.."

Suddenly, Rimmer's projection seemed to weave in and out. Rimmer looked down at himself, "What's happening?! What's going on?" This got everyone, including Cat's attention. "Well, don't just stand there like idiotic gimboids, help me!"

"And you're _sure _he's not back to normal?" asked Cat skeptically.

All of a sudden, Rimmer started vomiting out truth after truth to questions no one was even asking and couldn't stop. After a bit of asking, Lister asked, "What's he doing?"

"I told you, Sir, he can't help himself…" Kryten replied, getting some amusement out of this as well.

"When I was young, I always played the girl in all my brothers games. They made me wear dresses and tied me to trees."

"We've all heard that story…" Cat said, unimpressed.

"Yes…but I never said it continued until I was 16..Why am I telling you this? I liked it." He cringed, trying to shut his mouth but nothing was working "I was never very masculine. I think that's why my father was so cruel… In my early soft-light days, I tried cross dressing. I was just curious what it was like. Holly has pictures. But I convinced him to wipe his memory so he didn't know they even existed. I was ashamed…I wish people liked me more. I'm the reason for all my own failures, even though I like to blame everyone else for my misfortunes. I used to wear curlers. But I didn't want Lister to know, so I wore a helmet to bed every night for 3 months."

"You said it was a preparation technique that I wouldn't understand" Lister recalled, wearing a strange and confused look on his face, "And why only 3 months…?"

"It was a phase. I was just trying something new-God, can someone please make me shut up! Before I say something more embarrassing."

"I don't know about anyone else, but I'm having a ball!" Cat said, smiling as he looked up from the notepad he was writing on, "Now, uh, can you just repeat those last few ones. You were talking a little fast"

"I don't know what could be more embarrassing than you wearin' a dress and liking it…" Lister commented.

"It was a phase!" Rimmer defended.

This was getting ridiculous. Now, Lister liked seeing the guy suffer just as much as the next guy, to get back at him for being such a smeghead on a normal basis but this was just being cruel. They needed to help him out.

"Please. Help. I'll do anything. Just make me stop! There are some things that just can't be known. Some things I need to keep to myself!" Rimmer pleaded.

"You mean it gets better?" Cat asked, hopefully.

Lister went up to him, holding his fists out, "You've got to fight it! Turn yourself off, man! Maybe we can fix ya!"

"I can't!"

"Sure you can! Just pretend you're anyone who's met you! That'll do the trick!" Cat offered, earning a glare from Lister.

"Not helping, Cat"

Rimmer started to hyperventilate, clutching his chest and leaning down, bending his knees. He made a few statements between breaths that he couldn't do it, that it was too much. Lister gritted his teeth, suddenly worry that if this went on, Rimmer might actually be gone for good. His projection was flickering more, jumping from soft light to hard light to nearly invisible.

"Krtyen, man! Can't we do somethin'?" He shouted. The android jumped. He hadn't known when he should jump in because he was clearly at a loss for what to do. But he didn't want to let Lister down. So, he stepped before the hologram.

"Mr. Rimmer…" He began and through his heavy breathing, Rimmer looked up at him, "Think. Think hard, through all your secrets and all your truths that want to spill out the second you open your mouth, what is the one you never want to get out?"

"Don't ask me that…" He wheezed, "I might tell you!" He gave a loud grunt, as though trying to hold back the words that desperately wanted to come out. He knew the big secret that couldn't be revealed. The secret that would make him never be able to live comfortably on this ship again.

"Then, if you don't wish to tell _me …"_ He gestured behind him to the other two, "or Mr. Lister or the Cat, wouldn't it be wise for you to switch yourself off?"

He opened his mouth to say 'Okay' but what came out was, "I am sexually attracted to Lister!" Immediately, he clamped his hand over his mouth with an audible squeak.

_Oh my God. I did not just say that. I did not just say that._

Fighting the urge to jump out of the nearest airlock, he eyed the silent room, each person who was just staring at him with a look of shock with mouths agape.

"Well, yes…Alright. Switching myself off, then!" He reached inside himself at that moment and turned off, his capsule falling to the floor as he did so. Part of him was hoping they never turned him back on. (

- Sorry if it sucks. I may rewrite this once I finish.


End file.
